Senseless

Lots of things changed inside me once Annie joined the family. I have always been emotional and sensitive. I cried every day in first grade, for goodness sake. But when I added “mother” to my list of titles the emotional component of my personality really went into overdrive. And it has never shifted back down. If I had heard about a tragedy like what happened in Connecticut today seven or eight years ago, I would have been saddened. I would have been angered by the senselessness of it all. I would have felt bad for those families who are touched.

But hearing the news today, I was deeply affected. Profoundly.  Like haven't thought about much else kind of affected.  I cried, reading the reports of innocent children who lost their chance at a life of fulfilled dreams. Without really meaning to, I put myself in the place of those parents who are living a nightmare today. I wondered what I would do. I still wonder how they hold anything together.  I managed to convince myself that there was no reason for me to run from my office and drive as fast as possible to Annie’s daycare to pick her up hours early just so I could hold her and know she is okay. But it took some work.

And I am still angered, deeply saddened, and honestly, completely terrified by what happened today. I’m scared of what it means for the world we are raising our daughter in. I am frightened of things getting worse and incidents like these happening elsewhere. But mostly I am sobered by the reality that, no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, I will never be able to insure that my daughter is completely safe from the evil of the world. And in this reality, all I know to do is say yet another prayer, begging for the safety and health of my little girl. Because only God can protect her from a crazy world.

Like so many of you, my thoughts are with those in Connecticut who are living through the unspeakable.  And prayers for peace - both for those families and for a world that seems at times to be in utter chaos.  May a change come soon, for the sake of my little girl and all of those children near and dear to us all.