Mother's Day

I feel like I should have something profound to say today, on this, my first Mother's Day as a mama.  But words kind of fail me.  This blog is generally about what being Annie's mom means to me, but I'm not really sure how to put into words what today means.  I know the meaning of this day and what I feel toward my own mother is more intense than it has been before.  There's something about becoming a mother that makes you finally realize how much you must mean to your own mom.  I have found myself, many times over the past ten and a half months thinking, "My mom felt this way about me when I was a baby...My mom feels this way about me now."  It really has put the relationship I have with my mom in an even greater light for me, this being a mom myself thing.  And I am so proud of the woman who raised me.  So proud of the grandmother she is to my daughter.  So grateful for the countless ways she has encouraged me, uplifted me, and flat out helped me get the job done as I've begun this journey as Annie's mom.  Without her, I would be lost.  That much is true.  Thank you, Mom.  I love you.

And then, of course, today has been about what it means to me to be a mama.  There are countless ways motherhood has changed me - or at least countless things it has made me see or develop in myself.  I used to worry that I would do something wrong with Annie - that I would mess something up.  But today I just focus on how very much I love her.  I know I won't mess that up.

 This morning, before church.

And although I feel like I should have something big and profound to say today, I find myself thinking over and over of someone else's words.  I keep thinking of the lyrics to one of the songs I've worked into Annie's bedtime routine.  A song that isn't traditionally a lullaby, but one that I heard a few weeks ago and could only think of my baby girl.  A song that says exactly what I feel motherhood is about right now.  And one that made me cry as I sang it again for my sweet girl tonight.

"Make You Feel My Love" (Bob Dylan)

When the rain is blowin' in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love.

When the evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one there to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love.

I know you haven't made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment that we met
No doubt in my mind where you belong.

I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawlin' down the avenue
No, there's nothin' that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love.

Though storms are raging on the rollin' sea
And on the highway of regrets
Though winds of change are throwing wild and free
You ain't seen nothin' like me yet.

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true
Nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends of the Earth for you
To make you feel my love. 

Nothing like a little Dylan to express how you feel, eh?  And if you haven't heard Adele's version of this, you must.  Listen here. Do it now (well when you finish reading this).  And yeah, that whole bit about holding her for a million years and knowing from the moment that we met where she belonged...tears every single time.

Nothing else in my life has been as monumental as having Annie...as being her mama.  I am blessed beyond words.  Happy Mothers Day everyone.